The Captain's Secret
by Mill3rs
Summary: The Captain is spending a lot of time in the holodeck, is it healthy? Chakotay is worried about her. *last chapter up*
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: The characters and Star Trek world all belong to Paramount. I am just posting a story that should have been...

-Thanks to CatC - my friend and editor... Without her and her cattleprod, I wouldn't be writing!

The Captain's Secret

Captain Kathryn Janeway was still in a good mood after having been on the holodeck. She had been under stress lately, and even the Doctor had noticed. 

__

"You should find a good holoprogram to relax you, Captain. You need to take care of yourself. The crew can get along without you for a few hours." The Doctor had told her earlier that evening. He looked concerned about her, "I can order you to take some time off, but I don't want to have to do that, Captain. If you don't take some time off soon, I will have to resort to that. The crew doesn't need a captain that is too stressed out to do her job properly." 

"Yes, Doctor." She replied. Upon thinking of all of the programs she enjoyed, Kathryn immediately knew which one was most relaxing. She used to frequent the holodeck, choosing familiar surroundings that had always relaxed her, but had not found time recently to visit her favorite program. 

She went back to her room, knowing she could sleep well tonight. When she arrived home, she took a shower, dressed in her nightgown, and fell asleep. She slept deeper, that night, than she had in weeks and her dreams were wonderful.

The next morning, Kathryn dressed for her shift on the bridge, putting on her familiar uniform. She made sure that her it looked presentable - no wrinkles and her pips lined up straight. She wanted to make sure that no one could fault her appearance this morning. Maybe they hadn't noticed that she had been under stress. Her first stop of the morning was her ready room. The captain traditionally had her coffee in the morning while reading the reports of the night shift.

When she had completely reviewed all the reports and the other officers had taken their places on the bridge, Captain Janeway exited her ready room. She walked with an air of authority taking her place in the Command Chair.

Commander Chakotay, with his brown eyes and dark complexion, looked over at the ready room door when he heard it open. He was surprised that the Captain looked so refreshed today. Her red hair was lustrous again, and her eyes were bright, not tormented. Last night, he had given her an ultimatum - she was to see the doctor, or he would call up the EMH program himself. Chakotay had been worried about his friend, who had obviously had something on her mind. 

The ship was in another void - a dark area of space where no stars' light penetrated. They would be in the void for two months this time, and he was worried about her. The last time Voyager went through null space, she had shut herself up in her quarters and wallowed in regret at stranding the ship in the delta quadrant. They were thrown 70,000 light years away from home. They had been able to travel 40,000 light years in 7 years with a lot of luck and alien help and technology. He was glad to see that she was not giving in to those feelings this time.

She sat in the chair next to her first officer, who was also her best friend. She turned and looked over at him, smiling, waiting for his report with unspoken words. 

Her look was returned with a dimpled smile. He reported, "We're still on course for home, there doesn't seem to be anything to explore today." But thought,_ 'And there won't be anything to explore for the next 2 months...'_ but decided not to state the obvious. He was concerned for his commanding officer, but was reassured that she had taken steps to take care of herself the previous night.

After their shift, Commander Chakotay followed the Captain back to her ready room. He often did this to discuss the day's events. They discussed personnel issues, disciplinary measures, and crew manifests. As he watched her walk, he even noticed that she had a jaunt back in her step. _'She's back!'_ he thought, and smiled to himself.

When the captain had seated herself behind her desk, she turned to see her first officer settling himself in the chair opposite her. She smiled at him, and her eyes had a twinkle in them that he had not seen in years. She picked up a few PADDs, ready to start their personnel discussion. They were both concerned that all of the crew was having problems about adjusting to the void.

He wasn't quite sure what the change in her meant, but decided it was a good thing. "Hello Kathryn. I see that you took my advice and did something for yourself last night. I am glad to see you were sensible." He said through a chuckle.

"Ah, I figured that you would notice." She laughed, "I can't hide anything from you anymore." She smiled warmly at him as she studied his face, lingering on the tribal tattoo over his left eye.

__

Ever since they had been stranded together a few years ago, they had an unspoken bond. The crew had been granted shore leave on an unpopulated planet that looked surprisingly like Earth. The green hills and fresh breeze were relaxing to all of the crew and had invigorated them. Unfortunately, Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay had been bitten by an indigenous bug, which had forced them to stay on the planet. This bug bite had given them a virus that had made it impossible to leave the planet. When they had been beamed off the planet, they had experienced immediate life threatening medical reactions and had to be emergency transported back to the surface. Until the virus could be cured, the two officers had to stay on the planet, quarantined. The Doctor had worked hard for several weeks, trying to find a cure for the virus, but was unsuccessful. In the end, Captain Janeway ordered the crew to resume their voyage back home. Lt. Tuvok had taken command, and all had said teary good byes over the comm system.

The crew had transported the supplies they would need to the planet. They had housing, a communications system, food, clothing and many other staples. During the time that Kathryn and Chakotay had spent on the planet, they had formed a very close relationship. They had even fallen in love, and had accepted that they were going to spend the rest of their lives on "New Earth", as they had decided to call their planet. It took Kathryn much longer to accept their confinement than Chakotay, but she had eventually given in. He had made their quarantine homier by making furniture, additions to the housing, and even carved her a bathtub, since she yearned for a bath.

It took the crew several months to find a cure, but Voyager had eventually come back for them. At this time, Janeway and Chakotay had decided that it would be best to try to put the relationship they had formed behind them, and remain friends when they returned to the ship. It had hurt both of them, but Starfleet Captains were not allowed to have relationships, and the Commander had realized that. He did try to talk her out of that decision before they left their home of several months, but she stood firm in her judgment. They made sure their friendship was not affected, though, and they still continued to have dinners together.

Chakotay just smiled at her, and his eyes twinkled. "Yes, we once knew each other very well." He stared at her for a moment, taking in every nuance of her face. "You look great. What did you do last night that relaxed you so well?"

She shrugged, laughed a little and said, "I just visited the holodeck. I chose one of my favorite retreats, and did a little reading. I just couldn't relax in my quarters. It reminded me that there was too much work to do." And she laughed. "I almost fell asleep in the holodeck!" she confided. She reached back to massage her neck muscles, which had been tight recently.

He laughed. "I'm glad that you were able to relax, Kathryn. You really needed it. " He stood up from his chair, walked around behind her. He rested his hands on her shoulders then began to massage her neck. He teased, "I see that it didn't relax you totally though. I've told you before, if you need a massage, just call me." 

Kathryn, at first, reveled in his touch. She loved the feel and the warmth of his hands on her skin. She knew that Chakotay had been teasing her, but also knew that his words had a lot of truth in them. He had not wanted to break off their relationship when they returned from New Earth. She had been the one to decide that it would be best, as an example to the crew. He took the change in relationship status harder than she had - or at least that is what she had let show. In truth, she wanted it to continue as much as he had, but refused to let it show. She would have loved to call him for a massage, but her pride wouldn't let her do it.

"I'm fine now, thank you Commander" she stated.

He got the hint. When she called him Commander, she was distancing herself again, which usually meant she was trying to keep herself under control. He had chosen not to push her, for her own sake. He removed his hands from her neck, and went back to sit in his chair.

They spoke of issues regarding personnel for a while, deciding that they should give more recreation time for the crew. Everyone was feeling the stress of the null space. They made the decision to keep the Sandrine's program running 24 hours a day on Holodeck 1, so the crew could have a place to relax at any time. They were sure the crew needed as much recreation time as they did.

After an hour or so of talking business, she stifled a yawn. Wanting to change the subject, she said, "So what are you making for dinner this evening?" Giving him a knowing smile, she added, "You know if I cook, we'll go hungry."

He laughed. "Yes, Kathryn, I know that well." He noted her quick change of subject and smiled. "I hadn't thought of it yet. What would you like?" He asked.

"Surprise me!" she answered. "I'll meet you in my quarters at 1800 hours then?" She turned to look at her checklist again, to make sure they covered all of the topics they had intended to discuss for the day.

"I'll be there, you can be sure of that." He answered quickly. He wouldn't miss a chance to spend an evening with her. "I'll see you later." Chakotay realized that their meeting was over, and decided to leave. He hoped she would follow his lead and leave the ready room, and her work behind her. "Are you coming? You need to get away from your work." 

She smiled, got up from her desk and answered, "Yes sir. I'm on my way. I think I'll read for a while. Reading always recuperates me."

Since Kathryn had a few hours before Chakotay showed up for dinner, she decided to go back to her program. Because her trip to the holodeck the previous night had helped her feel so much better, she decided that she would visit it more often. She now had extra time, since everyone was on light duty. Chakotay had insisted that she be on light duty as well, and had recruited the Doctor to agree with him. 

She walked to holodeck 2 and gave the computer an order. "Computer, start Janeway program 'Eden'." When the door whooshed open, she walked on to the familiar planet. New Earth greeted her. She was in the place she had spent months of time, alone with her best friend, and her love. She never thought that she could have loved another after Mark, but after hearing that he had thought her dead and had married another, she despaired her decision to end her relationship. Kathryn, the woman not the Captain, had visited the program Fair Haven several times, and had fallen for Michael, the pub owner. She had even changed his parameters to make him more attractive to her. 

The walk to 'breakfast rock' was invigorating. Breakfast rock was a large flat rock near a pond, it is where she had always chosen to read when on New Earth. She could lie down with the sun over her head, and the sound of the water always relaxed her. A few hours later, her comm badge beeped. It was her alarm that it was 17:30 hours, and it was time to go back to her quarters to get ready for dinner.

When Kathryn had gotten back to her room, she had taken a shower and changed her clothes. She had chosen one of her favorite dresses to wear to dinner that night, the blue dress that had been her special dress on New Earth. Since she had spent time on New Earth lately, she was subconsciously dressing the same way. Her red hair had been pulled back with a barrette, and she walked barefoot. While waiting for her dinner guest, she reclined on her couch and read a book.

The door chimed, she called out "Enter". 

Commander Chakotay walked in the room, carrying a casserole, and looked for her. When he saw her laying on the couch, in that dress, he gulped_. 'Why does she have to tease me like that.'_ he thought. _'She knows very well what that dress reminds me of!'_' After putting the casserole on the table, he walked over to the couch and put his hand on her shoulder. "Dinner is served," he said, motioning to the table. 

She followed him to the table, unaware of how her appearance had affected the Commander. "It smells wonderful!" she said. "I love when you cook."

He just shook his head, laughing. "You just love being cooked _for_!" he added. When they had finished dinner, and the dishes had been recycled, he decided to test his luck. "You look beautiful this evening, Kathryn. Did you wear that dress for me?" he asked hopefully.

Kathryn looked down and realized what she was wearing. "No, I didn't realize what I was wearing until just now. I'm sorry. I just picked out the most comfortable outfit in my closet." She found herself examining the dress, and realized what she had done. She hadn't wanted to wear this in front of him, but it just seemed natural.

"It's alright, Kathryn. I've missed seeing you like this. This is the way I always think of you." He added, softly. 

Embarrassed, she stood up from the table. "Goodnight Commander" she said, playing with her dress like a little girl. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Disappointed, Chakotay said goodnight and went to his room. He spent the evening thinking about her, not able to take his mind off of her if he tried. He tossed and turned in his bunk all night.

After Chakotay had left her quarters, she ran straight to the holodeck, barefoot, and turned her program back on. "Computer, add character to the program..." When she had finished specifying the character, and made sure the parameters met her approval, she set her program in motion. 

"Hello Kathryn." he said, "I've been waiting for you, love of my life." He took her hand, pulled her towards him and wrapped her in his arms. She melted into his embrace, realizing how much she had missed his touch. Kathryn spent the evening with Chakotay on New Earth, in his arms. 

*Please review. There is more to come.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: The characters and the Star Trek world belong to Paramount. The story is mine. Enjoy it!

The next morning, on the bridge, Commander Chakotay immediately noticed the change in the Captain. She was almost floating on air. He wondered if she had gone back to the Fair Haven program, with her Michael character. After deciding that was the most logical scenario, he went back to his work. It made him jealous to think she was spending time with someone else, even if it was just a holocharacter. 

Chakotay was upset that, once again, she had not come to him. He had hoped that she would change her mind after they had left New Earth. It didn't occur to him that she would be able to last so long being away from him. It upset him, daily, to see her survive so well when he was hurting inside. He made due with enjoying their dinners together, and the occasional contact. He loved the way she put her hand on his shoulder as they solved problems together. 

Her lips were curved in a silly grin all day, but she didn't notice. She found herself counting down the time until her shift was over, so that she could go back to the holodeck. Just before her shift was finally over, she got up from her command chair, saying "Commander, you have the conn". This effectively kept him from following her into her ready room today. She walked with an air of authority towards her ready room, looking to all like she was going to do some work, she hoped. When the door opened, she went through and waited to hear the door whoosh closed. She paced the room for a scant few minutes, listening for the shift to change, before she exited out the door to the hallway.

When Commander Chakotay had finally been relieved by the next shift, he walked towards the ready room. He pushed the button on the control panel to announce his presence. When there was no answer, he pushed the button on the control panel to open the door, entered the room and discovered it empty. "I wonder where she went?" he said aloud as the door whooshed closed behind him. "Computer, locate Captain Janeway" he directed.

"The Captain is in Holodeck 2", was the reply. He was curious_. 'What program had she been running that she was so eager to get back to? Was she visiting Michael in Fair Haven again?'_ he thought. He decided to go there and see for himself.

As she entered the holodeck, she stopped rushing. She was home now. "Hello beautiful" greeted her as she entered the clearing. Her holographic Chakotay met her with a warm hug. 

"I wish our cure was never found" she sighed. "I love being here with you, my love, and I never want to leave!" She kissed him, hoping that it would feel a little more like the way _he_ really kissed. She decided to try resetting a few parameters for his contact, but didn't know just how to do it. She had been able to change Michael's physical parameters to make him more attractive, but didn't quite know how to change the Chakotay character to act like her Chakotay did on New Earth. "Computer, make the Chakotay character more loving, more attentive, and more… warm." She stated.

"Kathryn," he said grinning mischievously. "I am going to go work for a while. I'm making a surprise for you, I'll show it to you as soon as it's done." he said, winking at her. He kissed her before leaving, calling behind him "I'll see you later" as he walked out of the clearing. She knew that once he got started with a project, he lost track of all time. She figured that she had several hours to herself until she saw him again, and would miss him the whole time. But, she picked up her book and read, grateful to be truly relaxed for a change.

Meanwhile, Commander Chakotay left the ready room and headed for the holodeck. He went to his quarters first, to change into some more comfortable clothes. After seeing Kathryn's outfit the night before, Chakotay grabbed his most comfortable clothes, which were subconsciously the ones he had worn most often on New Earth. He walked as fast as he could, nervously, to the holodeck and read the name of the program she was running. _'Eden'_ he read. _'Could it be?'_ he wondered.

When the doors opened up to the familiar surroundings of New Earth, he at once realized why Kathryn was so relaxed. This place had been the most beautiful place he had ever seen, and the happiest he had ever been his life. Chakotay wondered how long she had been visiting this program, and why she had never told him about it. He walked around, gazing in wonder at the accuracy of the program. 

He set out to find her and followed the path through the vegetation to the place he instinctively knew she would be, Breakfast Rock. This had been her favorite spot, and he always knew he could find her there.

After she had read a few chapters of her book, Chakotay walked back into the clearing from the well-worn path. Kathryn looked up, smiled and lovingly watched him walk towards her. She thought,_ 'That didn't take long. I thought he would be working all day. He must have missed me.'_ She had been laying on the rock, sunning herself and reading a book. 

"Hello, Chakotay, I've missed you." She said. As he walked towards her, she stood up, put her book down on the rock and walked up to hug him. _'I wish I could do this with the real Chakotay'_ she thought_, 'but there are regulations against that. For now, I'll just have to be content with a holographic one.'_ she sighed. The tall man folded her into his arms. His touch felt so real. _'These changes I made in his program worked out well' _she noted, gladly.

Kathryn's greeting surprised Chakotay. He was confused at first and he hesitated, but quickly held her tightly to him, the way they had held each other in the past. He was surprised that she had hugged him, but decided not to spoil the mood. He kissed the top of her head, noting the fruity smell of her favorite shampoo. "You smell wonderful!" he said. 

He had missed holding her like this, and was glad to see she missed him too. He had been praying to the spirits about this ever since they had been 'rescued'. _'Thank you, spirits, for bringing her back to me!'_ he prayed. Even his spirit guide had been telling him _"Good things come to those who wait."_ He held her tightly, not wanting to let go of her; for fear that she would change her mind. He looked down at her face and, carefully and slowly, traced her lips with his fingers. His other arm held her tightly.

When she felt the difference in the way her holocharacter had held her, she thought he might have been _her _Chakotay. She soon dismissed that idea, knowing that he did not have any idea that she had been running this program. _'This is more like it'_ she said to herself. This improved character was behaving much more like her Chakotay. She melted into his embrace, not realizing how much she had missed his touch. His fingers, tracing her lips, had sent electrical shocks through her system. 

"You smell wonderful. I've missed you so much, Kathryn!" he said. He kissed her lips, then moved to kiss her neck. While nuzzling her neck, he found that he was losing himself in her. It had been so long! He hungered for her touch, her smell, and her taste. His hands ran up and down her back, reacquainting himself with every inch of her. 

"I've missed you too, Chakotay." answering truthfully, she thought. She could have sworn the hologram looked at her with the same longing in his eyes that Chakotay always had. The way he looked at her melted her, and it always had. 

She half pulled him down and half melted down onto the ground, never letting go of him. She was glad that this was just a hologram, knowing she could not have done this with the real Chakotay without losing herself. She knew that if he ever found out about her program, she would have to delete it. They could not go back, Starfleet regulations wouldn't allow it. She just had to imagine this was he, and enjoy it for what it was. And with these new changes, it was wonderful!

She realized how tired she was when she woke up in his arms, and the moon was much higher above them. She quietly disentangled herself from his arms, stood up and headed for the holodeck door. Since she was so tired, she left the program running.

Chakotay had felt her getting up, and realized that they had fallen asleep together on the holodeck. He almost called after her, but she had left too quickly. He stood up and stretched, not believing how lucky he was. She still loved him, and they had just spent a night on the holodeck together! He couldn't wait until tomorrow to talk to her.

"End Program" he said, as he left the holodeck.

*Please review!


	3. Chapter 3

The next day, Chakotay looked for an opportunity to talk to Kathryn about the previous night, but had no luck. He _had_ to see her, alone, and hoped she would go in the holodeck again with him. At the end of their shift, he tried to motion her into the ready room, but she rushed off of the bridge again today and headed for the turbolift. He took a chance and rushed onto the turbolift with her, knowing his replacement for the next shift was already on the bridge. Several other members of the Alpha shift joined them in the turbolift, so they were not able to speak in private about the previous night.

During their turbolift ride, Kathryn told Chakotay, "I can't go over the bridge reports today, Commander, I have a headache and need to see the doctor. It's not bad, but annoying enough that I just can't concentrate. I was hoping for some relief." She said, and laughed a little, "It might be caffeine withdrawal. I've been trying to cut down on the amount of my caffeine lately, doctor's orders. I am beginning to think he is doing this just to torture me!" This conversation was loud enough that some of the other occupants of the turbolift were able to hear what was said and snorted a little to think that the Captain was trying to give up her precious coffee. 

She started to rub her temples. She really did have a headache, but not from lack of caffeine. On the contrary, she had been drinking entirely too much lately due to lack of sleep. She recently had been staying in the holodeck very late at night, and was drinking coffee to compensate. The doctor had found out about the extra caffeine and was troubled, he told her, but did not know why she was drinking so much. The doctor was the one to suggest she go to the holodeck more often, she wasn't about to admit to him that she was addic… hmm, no enjoying the program so much. 

When the turbolift opened on the 2nd floor, Chakotay hesitated. He had no reason stay on it any longer since it had come to the officer's deck, but he wanted to talk to the Captain. When the door opened, he walked out of the lift, and wandered to his quarters. He seemed to be deep in thought. _'With Kathryn in sickbay, I can get to the holodeck before her and surprise her when she gets there!_' he thought. He went into his rooms, changed into his New Earth outfit again, this time purposely, and set out for the holodeck.

When the doors opened on the 5th floor, Captain Janeway got out of the turbolift and quickly headed towards the medical bay. Listening for the doors to close; she stopped and headed back to call the turbolift again. She waited for it to take her to back to deck 2, so she could change. She then intended to go back to deck 6, where the holodeck was located. The headache, she knew, would be gone as soon as she got back to New Earth. _'The headache is probably withdrawal from New Earth!'_ she chuckled.

Chakotay had indeed gotten to the holodeck before Kathryn did. "Computer, begin Eden program" he directed. When the holodeck doors opened on New Earth again, he sighed happily. He decided to tour the program more, starting with their house. As he walked slowly along the familiar path, it brought back many wonderful memories with its familiar sights, sounds and smells. He soon found himself at the clearing where they had made their home, and realized that he had a grin on his face. There was a fire burning in the fireplace, and the chimney was smoking. That smell had always made him hungry.

When he entered the house, he looked around and saw that it was exactly like he remembered it. There was not a thing out of place. She had remembered well what the place looked like! _'Good, so she hasn't forgotten anything! I was afraid she had put our past totally behind her. I see she missed it as much as I did!'_ he thought, glad to see she remembered every detail, like he did.

He walked through the kitchen, looking at the table and chair set he had carved with his own hands, to the living room and finally to the bedroom. Taking in the familiar sights that he thought would only give him pain to remember; he found pleasant feelings and vivid memories. He picked up the dishes and inspected them, as well as a holo of the two of them together at the pond. He ran his fingers along the sheets of their bed as if to call back the memories: he noticed that the sheets even felt the same. He decided that he had to leave that room quickly. It brought back too many memories that he wasn't quite ready for, yet. He wasn't sure where Kathryn was allowing their relationship to go this time, and he didn't want to open himself up too much. He didn't want to be hurt again, but was grateful for whatever she was going to allow herself to open up to. Taking one last look around their cabin, he set out to make her a surprise. 

He heard hammering from the direction of his work area as he was walking down the path towards Breakfast Rock. He decided to change his course, to see what the noise was. He wondered if Kathryn had come onto the holodeck while he was in the house. He followed the path towards the growing sounds of the hammer. He slowed down as he got near the work area, not wanting to scare Kathryn.

He was surprised to see _himself_ standing over a log, hammering it to a bent piece of wood. It looked like he was building the boat he had promised to make Kathryn. She had wanted to sail a boat on the nearby river, to see what the rest of their home planet looked like. They were rescued before he could make it. But, here before him, he was making it; or at least a hologram of him was making it. 

He couldn't believe that Kathryn had gone through all of the work of creating this place, and not have _him_ share it with her. Why had she made a hologram of him? A hologram couldn't love her the way he did. She was fooling herself thinking that she could recreate his love for her. He was again upset that she wouldn't come to him and share this wonderful re-creation of their home, for that is always what he would call this place.

Chakotay decided to take action. "Computer, delete Chakotay character." He commanded. 

As he watched his likeness shimmer away, he decided to show Kathryn just what she was missing. No hologram could possibly love her, and he couldn't stand the thought of her loving, mentally or physically, any one but him. He walked through the woods, collecting flowers and brought them to Breakfast Rock, and covered the rock with the petals. He had often done that on the planet, saying that she deserved only the best. He then went back to his workshop area and started on his work.

Kathryn had finally gotten onto the turbolift, up to her quarters and changed her clothes. She had no intention of going to sick bay, but had to say something so that Chakotay wouldn't follow her. She was beginning to think that he was suspecting something, especially the way he jumped forward to get on the turbolift with her. As she walked down the hallway towards the holodeck, she let her hair down and ran her fingers through her hair. He had always liked this hairstyle, down and flowing, and she loved the way it felt when _he_ ran _his _fingers through her hair. When she got to the holodeck control panel, she was startled to see that the program was already running.

"I must have left it running last night, I was half-asleep when I left." she said to herself as the door opened. She kicked her shoes off just inside the door, and carried them. She had her book in one hand, and her shoes in the other. She smelled the smoke from the chimney, and walked to their home. As she walked into the kitchen, she knew Chakotay had been there earlier because the house smelled of him once again. 

__

'These modifications are great. Its almost like I was really there!' she mused. She put the teakettle over the flames in the fireplace, and waited for it to scream. She then grabbed a mug; some tea leaves, and poured the boiling water to make her favorite tea. She preferred coffee most of the time, but occasionally she needed chamomile tea to relax her.

She took her mug and walked from the house towards Breakfast Rock. When she heard the hammering noise coming from his work area, she crept over to peek at Chakotay at work. She loved how he was always making her things, and loved watching him work. He had removed his shirt and was sweating with the effort of cutting more pieces of wood. _'He must be making the boat'_ she thought_, 'I always did want to ride in it!'_ She tread softly back on her original course towards the pond. She felt like taking a swim since it was such a nice day.

When she entered the clearing, she noticed that there were flower petals covering the rock. _'Oh, how sweet! I must have mentioned this in a log somewhere, I did tell the program to search the database and logs for references to New Earth, so it could be more authentic, but I don't remember putting this in my logs!' _She walked up to the rock and picked up a few of the petals. "They smell so real!" she observed.

"Computer, privacy lock." Kathryn jumped on the rock and removed her clothes, preparing for her swim. The flower petals on the rock kept her from getting scratched, and felt so soft against her skin. She walked towards the pond and waded in until she could swim. She swam several laps to get some exercise; it felt good to be in her pond again!

Chakotay was getting hot and sweaty working with the wood. His hands were also beginning to blister from using the saw, he noted, but it felt good to build again, especially for Kathryn. He looked down and noticed that he was covered in sweat, so headed for the pond to cool off. He knew of a path that went straight from his work area to the opposite end of the pond from Breakfast Rock that he used for occasions like this. He followed this path, and slid out of his sweaty pants and rinsed them out in the water, hanging them on a nearby tree to dry. When he got into the edge of the pond, he noticed Kathryn swimming, and decided to join her. He slid noiselessly into the water, and silently swam the breaststroke towards her. He snuck up behind her, gratified to see he could still do so in the water, and put his hands over her eyes.

"Guess who?" he teased; now knowing that she thought he was her holocharacter.

"Hmm, " she said, "I wonder who this could be? Since the privacy lock is on, it must be…" she teased. She turned around quickly in the water, so that his hands were behind her head now, and she was in his arms. "The only person who belongs with me here!" she answered, and kissed him to punctuate the end of the sentence. "Hello there!" she said, after they kissed.

He studied her, noticing that she was also swimming naked. He smiled and teased, "Wow, what a greeting! I see you knew I was coming and dressed for the occasion!"

"Yes, love." She answered. "But I honestly didn't think you'd come and swim today. You looked so hard at work when I peeked in at you at your workshop, I thought I'd take a quick swim and then read my book for awhile, before going back to the house." Her eyes twinkled at him as she spoke, reflecting the sunlight on the water behind him. "I would have stopped to say hello, but you looked quite engrossed in you're… project."

"Well, you should have said something! I would have stopped working for you!" 

She knew this, but also knew she needed some time alone, to relax. This swim was just what her body required; swimming the laps had tired her out, and floating had recuperated her spirits and her strength. She was feeling wonderful at the moment, especially with Chakotay with her. She watched him study her body, surprised that she didn't feel self-conscious. It just felt right. She swam closer, brushing up against him, pleased to note that his eyes were riveted on her. He was caressing her with his eyes, but she wanted more…

Kathryn took Chakotay's hands and placed them on her breasts, while wrapping her arms around him. She was aching for his touch, and was pleased to see he was perfectly willing to help her. 

He was subconsciously interested in seeing how she was acting with her hologram: for she still thought him part of her program. Consciously, though, he was aroused, lost in the passion. 

They re-familiarized themselves with each other's bodies, and memories quickly returned for which areas to concentrate on to provide the most pleasure. They bobbed in the water, entwined, until both were sated. 

Once they had lost their urgent need, they floated together in the water, still interlocked. He ran his fingers through her hair. "Kathryn, you are so beautiful."

"You're gorgeous yourself!" she said with a grin, and kissed the tip of his nose. 

"I don't know why we denied ourselves for so long." He whispered to her.

"You know well, though, Starfleet regulations on that issue." And started to stiffen up, captain style. This hologram certainly was sounding authentic. They had arguments about this topic often.

"Whoa, at ease, Captain!" he laughed, and began to massage her neck, then other areas, again starting to feel playful.

"Chakotay, I can't spend all night here again. I've not been myself on the bridge, and I think others are beginning to notice. I need sleep!" she said, laughing, through his kisses.

"So, let's go to bed!" he answered, pulling her back towards shore. 

She dove underneath the surface of the water, and came back up next to him, hands trailing all the way up the inside of his leg. "I'd love to, Chakotay, but I really need _sleep_, not just being in bed!" and laughed at the response his body had to her fleeting touch. "I certainly would rather be in bed though!" and laughed. "I'll come back tomorrow after my shift, and we can spend all afternoon together, as long as you will put away your tools and spend time with me!"

"Of course, Captain." He smiled with dimples in his cheeks. "I'll be here when you come back." He said, sincerely.

"I really hate to leave, but I have to…"She kissed him again, pulling her clothes back on, watching him dress as well. She finished and walked towards the holodeck door, calling back over her shoulder "Goodnight my love!" 

"Computer, end program." She said, and left the holodeck without looking back.

Had she looked behind her, she would have seen Commander Chakotay putting his shirt on with a smile on his face. _'Well, I had a wonderful afternoon and evening, but how am I going to tell Kathryn that she was actually with me tonight, and not her hologram!'_ he wondered, but not worried about the answer. I'll just make sure to get to the holodeck tomorrow, and set things up…


	4. Chapter 4

*Disclaimer: Paramount owns everything but the idea of my story. Enjoy!  
  
Thanks to CatC for her friendship, help and editing.  
  
The next day, on the bridge, Chakotay tried to hide his excitement. He had decided to let Kathryn know that she had been spending the past few days with him. He had only found out the previous evening that she thought he was part of her program. She had made a holographic Chakotay to be with her on her New Earth program that she called 'Eden'. It was a re-creation of their home on New Earth.  
  
He had been upset, at first, that she had made a replica of him on the holodeck. He had been thinking about it all night long, since he was unable to sleep, and decided to be flattered that she had wanted him there at all.  
  
As Alpha shift wore on, he grew more and more anxious that she would leave the bridge early and go to the holodeck before he could get there. He had been trying to figure out the best way of telling her that she had just spent the last two days with him, instead of her hologram like she thought. He thought he had the perfect plan, but had to leave early to make the proper preparations.  
  
He got his break when B'Elanna called up to the bridge saying she needed to talk to Chakotay about an engineering personnel problem. He excused himself from the bridge, discussed the problem with B'Elanna, and decided not to go back to the bridge, but to the holodeck instead.  
  
He walked into the holodeck, changed some of the parameters, and was satisfied that his plan was now ready.  
  
Kathryn was relieved to see that Chakotay had not returned to the bridge before the end of Alpha shift. She didn't want to have to leave the bridge quickly to avoid him again today. She knew she didn't trust herself, now, alone with him. She had fallen in love with him all over again, even though it was her holographic Chakotay. She didn't want it carrying over to the real Chakotay - well, she did, but knew Starfleet regulations didn't allow it.  
  
She waited for the Beta shift to take their places on the bridge before standing up and walking into her Ready Room. She wanted them all to think she was going there to work on her reports; in reality she was sadly lagging behind. She walked into the room, ordered a cup of black coffee, and walked back to her quarters. She had a decided lilt in her step. Had anyone been watching the way she was walking, they would have said she was almost walking on air.  
  
Commander Chakotay rushed back to his quarters and put on his clothing. He quickly went back to deck 6, and waited in the room just opposite of the holodeck, waiting for Kathryn come. He was tense, anticipating every move, hoping his plan was a perfect way to tell her.  
  
The Captain entered her quarters, removed her uniform and put on her blue dress. She brushed her hair with care, putting it in a barrette, and ran her fingers through it. It was shorter now than on New Earth, but she was going to grow it longer again, for him. She put on her sandals, picked up the book she was reading and headed for the holodeck.  
  
Chakotay watched Kathryn exit the turbolift. He listened to her say, "Computer, start 'Eden' program", watched her enter the holodeck, and waited for a few moments until she would be away from the sound of the door. He waited a few seconds, and entered.  
  
He watched Kathryn from the path. She walked straight to Breakfast Rock and settled herself on it, and began to read her book. He walked silently around in the bushes until he could come in to the clearing from another path from where she entered. He did not want it to look like he had followed her. He had his arms full with a picnic lunch. He spread out the blanket and set out the food in the clearing near the water.  
  
"Hello, Kathryn" he said, with a full, dimpled smile. He held his arms out for her to hug him. "Lunch is served!" He said with a flourish, imitating a waiter in a fine restaurant.  
  
"Hello, Chakotay" she answered, looking up from her book. The smile grew on her face when she saw him. "I am glad you are here! And you brought me lunch. You are so thoughtful!" She slid off the rock and enfolded Chakotay in her arms. "I enjoyed last night. I slept so well, after leaving here. I dreamt of you all night." She sighed.  
  
Chakotay smiled "I dreamed of you too, my love. I will cherish last night for the rest of my days." 'Especially after I tell you the truth. Hopefully I won't just have to dream about it then.' he thought. His eyes twinkled, "I brought lunch because I was hungry and thought you might be too. I also wanted to share your company."  
  
They ate lunch together, watching the sun reflecting off the water and the birds flying overhead. "This was a paradise!'" she said, "why did we ever leave it?"  
  
"We never left" he answered, "here we are!" and motioned all around her, to their paradise home.  
  
She sniffed, 'You may have never left this place, but you are just a hologram. I did have to leave, and it broke my heart. I also broke my Chakotay's heart when we left. I wonder if he'll ever forgive me for it, I have never forgiven myself.' She thought.  
  
They finished lunch, sitting as close to each other as possible. Kathryn put her head on his shoulder, and Chakotay put his arm around her. They held hands; "It just doesn't get any better than this." Chakotay sighed.  
  
"I'll agree with you there." she smiled. Perfectly happy in each other's embrace, they sat silently for quite a while, watching the sun descend towards the horizon. As the sun went down, she gave a little smile to Chakotay, "Want to swim?" she asked with a twinkle in her eye, remembering last night.  
  
"Sure" he answered, with his dimpled grin that dissolved her every time she saw it. "I love to swim, and it's always better when I'm with you."  
  
She stood up slowly, not wanting to leave his embrace and waded knee deep into the water. She turned, splashed him with cold water, and hoped for a reaction.  
  
Chakotay had acted just the way Kathryn wanted. He jumped up, ran to the water and joined her, dunking her on his way in. They had often played in the water this way. They horsed around in the water, dunking each other, pulling each other under from below, and had swimming races. Chakotay always won the races, with his broad shoulders and well muscled arms.  
  
After a while, with the sun completely down by this time, she started to shiver. "I'm g-getting cold." She stuttered. "Let's g-go home."  
  
He followed her, as he usually did, a few steps behind her so that he could watch the way she walked. He could always read her mood that way. The way her hips swayed, and she rushed her steps indicated that they would have a wonderful night together. He was in seventh heaven, not quite believing what was happening, but not wanting to pinch himself to see if he was asleep for fear of waking up. He hoped his plan would work, it wouldn't be long now.  
  
When they got back to the clearing around their home, she ran ahead and rounded the corner of their shelter, entering the house first. As she walked through the doorway, Chakotay was sitting at the table, dry. "It's about time you got home, I was beginning to think you were lost." He said, eyes twinkling and dimples full force. She stopped short. If this was her holocharacter, with whom had she spent the afternoon? The answer chilled and excited her.  
  
The wet Chakotay entered the structure just seconds behind her. He looked very surprised to see himself sitting at the table. He looked at Kathryn, then at the figure sitting at the table, then back to her again for an explanation. "What's going on?" 'Here goes the first part of the plan. I hope I am acting surprised, I don't want to lie to her, but I do want her to realize that I know about the holographic Chakotay. I set it up so he would be here, to greet us when we returned.'  
  
Kathryn studied the Chakotay at the table and the Chakotay that was standing behind her, trying to figure out which was which. She closed her eyes and sighed, she had been caught. "Computer, delete Chakotay character" she said, only half hoping that the one that she had spent the afternoon with was the holocharacter. When the Chakotay that was at the table disappeared, her fears were confirmed. She sunk into a chair, stunned.  
  
"What is happening here?" his voice asked surprised, watching her reactions to what just happened. "And who was that?" he asked, knowing the answer all too well.  
  
Kathryn looked up at him in embarrassment, knowing that her secret had been found out. "I thought you were my holocharacter. I didn't know it was really you. Why didn't you tell me?" she asked, confused.  
  
"You had a holocharacter of me when you could have had the real thing?" he asked, incredulously. "I would have dropped everything I was doing to meet you here. You know that. Why would you resort to recreating me?" he asked, hurt now. "When I walked onto the holodeck two days ago, looking for you, I thought you had finally answered my prayers" he answered, taking her chin in his hands. "I have been dreaming of this ever since we left our planet, and it happened just like in my dreams. I just want to hold you in my arms again, like we did on New Earth."  
  
"I dreamed of it too, Chakotay. That is why I created this program! I actually created it within a short time after we were brought back to the ship. I couldn't stand not having you in my life anymore. I also knew that we couldn't have what we shared there. I am bound by Starfleet regulations." She said, turning away and taking on her Captain's tone again. "That is why I created this place, and the holocharacter. We can't go back, Chakotay. As much as I want to." Then she picked up something in his previous statement that she hadn't realized was there.  
  
"Wait, you were here two days ago? Why didn't you say something to me? Have you known about the holocharacter this long too?" she said, with growing anger in her voice.  
  
"Calm down, Kathryn. I tried to talk to you on the bridge two days ago, but you avoided me." He answered, defensively. "Every time I tried to motion you towards the Ready Room, or some place in private to talk to you, you made up reasons not to see me. I'm sure the headache was just another excuse." He said, looking down at her, touching her face.  
  
She put her hand over his, "I guess I did avoid you. I'm sorry for that, but I was beginning to have feelings for you again, through the holocharacter, and didn't want the feelings to overflow to the real you. Starfleet regulations." She said distractedly, losing some of her anger. 'Actually, I'd love it to overflow to you, but it can't happen. I wish it could.' she thought.  
  
"Honest, Kathryn, I didn't know about the character until yesterday. I was just walking around the program, marveling at what you had created, and how well it was done, when I saw him. I ran into him in my workshop, and deleted him." He admitted.  
  
"You were in the holodeck yesterday? You deleted my character? So, were you here last night too?" she blanched.  
  
He took her hands in his. "Yes, Kathryn, last night was me, us. I loved every minute of it, and wouldn't change a thing." 'And, I'd like a whole lot more!' He added in his thoughts, knowing what she was now going to say.  
  
She pulled her hands away from his, her anger coming back. "You knew that I had the character, deleted him, and pretended to be him? I can't believe you, Chakotay! You lied to me!"  
  
He tried to pull her back towards him. "Don't turn away, Kathryn. You cannot do this to me again. I thought we had finally found each other all over. My heart cannot bear disappointment like that a second time."  
  
"Well, Chakotay, you should have thought of that before you tricked me. You know well the Starfleet regulations, and that I just can't turn my back on them." She turned around and stormed out of their cabin, and the holodeck.  
  
Chakotay followed her, trying to convince her that he had only done this out of love, but she wouldn't listen.  
  
*More to come. Please review - let me know if you like it! 


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: The characters and the Star Trek world belong to Paramount. The story is mine. Enjoy it!  
  
Thanks again to my friend CatC for the help & editing.  
  
Kathryn was mad. She did not like to be deceived, especially from someone she trusted. Her heart was pounding and she was confused. She had just spent some very intimate time on the holodeck with Chakotay, and thought it was her holocharacter Chakotay. She stormed out of the holodeck back to her quarters. She even ran ahead of him and closed the turbolift doors so she wouldn't have to ride with him.  
  
Chakotay followed Kathryn from the Holodeck back to her quarters. He kept trying to get her attention, but she ignored him. He was hoping to catch her on the turbolift and talk to her then - or even halt it, but she ran ahead of him.  
  
When he finally got off the turbolift, his heart was beating quickly. 'What can I say to her to make her understand?' he thought. 'I'll just have to make it up as I go along. I hope I can convince her that I was not trying to lie to her, but that I just couldn't stand not being near her. I was deceived as well!'  
  
Kathryn had walked quickly from the holodeck to her quarters. "Computer, lock door" she commanded. She then raced to her replicator to get some coffee, sat down and sipped on it. 'I can't believe that Chakotay was in the holodeck the whole time and didn't tell me. That was just so cunning, I can't believe he would do a thing like that! I never even saw it on his face on the bridge. Then again, I was fairly preoccupied thinking about him, and tried not to show it. I also was avoiding him, now that I think of it, for fear of showing emotion that was not becoming of an officer.' She ignored the knock on the door.  
  
Chakotay got to her door and knocked. He didn't want to be loud enough to disturb anyone from another shift that was sleeping, but he had to talk to her. He ordered the computer to override the lock on the door and entered her room. "Kathryn, we need to talk!" he called out as he walked around looking for her. He knew she was here, why else would the door have been locked? He finally found her sitting, sipping on coffee, lost in thought.  
  
He walked over to her and sat next to her, breaking her out of her daze. "Please, let me explain." he said.  
  
"There is nothing to explain, you tricked me so I would fall back in love with you. It won't work, I can make myself forget it all." She said with a rock-hard expression on her face. She tried to stand up and walk away from him, but he stood in her way. She was pinned in the corner.  
  
"Kathryn, I didn't know that you had a hologram of me in there. I thought your affection was finally meant for me!" He said, with a hurt look on his face. "I only found out yesterday that there was another me there, and just then put it together. I didn't want to mention anything, knowing you'd react just this way, and I wanted to avoid this!"  
  
"Well, you got what you deserved. You should have said something your first time in the holodeck!"  
  
His face softened, "Kathryn, when I walked onto the holodeck and saw you sitting on the rock reading like you had always done on New Earth, I was overwhelmed. Then you told me that you missed me, and you hugged me. What was I to think? I never even thought about you possibly thinking that I was your holocharacter." He looked at her, with eyes full of love and confusion. "What was I supposed to do?"  
  
She listened to what he had to say, and softened a little. "You should have asked me what I was doing. Pulled away or something. And why were you dressed in your New Earth outfit? That is what had me confused. If you had been in your uniform, I would have known it was you."  
  
"I see, when I go to the holodeck on my off time, I'm supposed to wear my uniform. I was off duty. I chose comfortable clothes knowing I was going to the holodeck. I didn't know that you were running this program. I guess I chose that outfit because you wore the dress the night before. But that doesn't explain why you created a character of me, when I would have willingly come, at any time of day and night to be with you." He looked confused and hurt. "What would have you done in my situation? If you had just walked on to the holodeck, saw that we were on New Earth, and I was hugging you, saying I missed you, and kissed you. Would you have stopped me and said 'What is going on here?' or would you have just kissed me back? I think you would have kissed me." And he thought 'or I hope so anyway.'  
  
She thought about it for a while, "I really don't know. I suppose it depends on the situation. But you."  
  
Chakotay raised one eyebrow, "You really think it depends? I'd kiss you back in a heartbeat, as I demonstrated. I love you Kathryn, and I have since the moment I first saw you. You know that as well as I do. All the time we spent on New Earth was heaven to me. I wish we had never been 'rescued'. I would rather have stayed there the rest of our lives, just the two of us. I honestly thought you were finally opening back up to me. I would have accepted keeping our relationship secret - just in the holodeck if you wanted me to. I'd do anything to be able to love you again, Kathryn." While talking, his eyes misted up a bit, which showed his sincerity.  
  
"You know, Chakotay, as well as I do that we just can't do that. You know the Starfleet regulations. And as much as I dislike the particular rule that states that Captains are not to have relationships, I am Starfleet through and through for the rest of the voyage. I can't disobey that rule anymore than I can the prime directive. If we started picking and choosing which directives we are to follow, then we'd be no better than the Equinox crew." She said, determined.  
  
He looked at her with disbelief; "You honestly believe that if we had a relationship, that it would put us even with them? I don't think so. Do you realize, Kathryn, we aren't on a normal Starfleet ship? We may not get home anytime soon. We need to be thinking of the future. It could take us decades to get home from here. I think that rule needs to be relaxed. Look at Tom and B'elanna. You approve of their relationship."  
  
"Yes, but." She started to say.  
  
He cut her off. "We need more relationships here, on the ship, to boost morale. We need to set examples for our crew, Kathryn. There is always a chance that we may need a next generation on our ship to run it. Tom and B'Elanna have already started it. We may come against obstacles, or never find a wormhole." He reached for her hand across the table.  
  
She pulled her hand away from his. This time, she made sure he could not cut off her thought. "Chakotay, I - I can't. You know that. We've talked about this many times before." She said, stuttering. She knew she sounded hollow, even to herself. "We just can't." She turned away from him, cutting off what she wanted to say after that. 'As much as I want to.'  
  
Chakotay took her by the hand again, and this time she didn't pull away. He pulled her hand slightly to coax her to stand up, and when she did, he wrapped his arms around her. "We can, and we will" he grinned down at her.  
  
"Kathryn, after the last few days in the holodeck, my love for you is stronger than before. I don't think I could stand not being near you anymore. I love you, and will always love you. We proved our love for each other on New Earth, as well as in the holodeck the last few days."  
  
"I love you too, but we can't." she started.  
  
He cut her off again "I'm glad you realize that, but I don't understand. If you love me, and I love you, and you are already allowing senior staff to be married on the ship, why can't we be together? There is no reason for it. We are far away from home, some of the Starfleet rules do not apply to our situation. Deep Space missions have many families on board." he got down on one knee in front of her. "I've been planning for years how to say this, but the time has never been right. I love you, Kathryn, love of my life, will you marry me?" he asked. "We can truly be a Command team if we are married." He added the last bit trying to appeal to her Command side as well.  
  
She looked down at him, into his brown eyes and dissolved. All of the feelings that she had for him, which had been bottled up for so long, had recently been released. Although she thought they were for the holocharacter Chakotay, they were still very strong. She could not refuse her feelings for him, even if she had wanted to. "Yes, Chakotay." she whispered.  
  
He didn't allow her to continue with her thought. He knew better! If he let her speak, she'd talk herself out of it again. He stood up, took her in his arms to hug her tight, leaned down and kissed her. "I love you, Kathryn".  
  
"I love you too, Chakotay." She managed to say between kisses.  
  
  
  
The End 


End file.
